For several years the approach of August has hurt my heart, of all the things I have encountered in my life the worst pain I have ever known came on August 12, 2012. I have dreaded walking through that day every year and the days leading up to it were just as bad. The saying time heals all wounds I don’t believe it, because every year hurt just as bad as the one before. After that long heartbreaking day in 2012, my kiddos heartbroken and shook up their selves at the days events, opted to curl up in my bed to sleep for the night. To keep from waking them with my own sobbing I grabbed a blanket, because it was a rare chilly August that year, and went out on the front porch. In the desperateness of my prayers and tears I ended up flat on my back on the front porch looking up at the sky. I realized in the mist of my chaos, one of the most spectacular meteor showers in my midst. For a few moments peace ensued me, it was a little easier to breathe. Part of my “Nerd” that many don’t know is I love Space, NASA, Stars, Planets, anything remotely space related!! I grew up in Houston and visited the Space Center there often……very often. Other kids collected baseball cards or Garbage Pail Kids (I had those too lol), I collected signed photos of astronauts. I have always wanted since I was a child to visit Cape Canaveral and see a launch in person. (Nerd Alert!!!)I Know!!!
The meteor shower I was seeing that night was the Perseid Meteor Shower it occurs every year in August and usually peaks around the 12th. Comet Swift-Tuttle orbits the sun leaving a trail of debris, when earth passes through this debris we get to see one heck of a meteor shower every year. Loving this kind of stuff I was excited to discover this awesome wonder God had created but it didn’t make my heart any less heavy every year when it came around. It was like that good thing that reminded you of that bad thing that happened so it kinda sucked the joy right out of it. Every year I have got my blanket went out on my porch after the boys were asleep and laid, and watched, and prayed, and cried. I have begged the God who makes the stars and the planets rotate perfectly around the sun, to heal my heart, mend my life, give me a future, hope. I prayed to not be the girl lying on her porch alone in the middle of the night watching stars fall.
Along the way the past several years something spectacular happened, the God who makes stars and planets rotate perfectly was doing the same for me and my life I just couldn’t see it or maybe I didn’t want to. I couldn’t see past the hurt to see the beautiful healing He was doing inside me, I could see past the future I thought I had lost to see the amazing one He had planned for me, I was to busy believing I was unloved to see how much I was really loved and would be loved in the days to come. I couldn’t see all that was to come because as “the Lamp unto my feet” He only illuminated where my feet were stepping at the moment, as we walked through that darkness together Him always lighting my way. Trust there is more and walk were His light is. He will never leave you in darkness!
As I grab my blanket this year and head out to watch the beautiful show of shooting stars, it is not with a heavy heart, a so-called broken future, or single tear. I am no longer the girl lying alone on her porch wishing on fallen stars. I have been given a second chance to love greatly and to be loved greatly. I have been given a chance to share this life, its fears, its hurts, its love and some beautifully placed stars with someone who has shown me a love I never knew was possible, muchless real. In the past few years I have watched God take my deepest hurt and turn it into my greatest joy. To approach this day without a grain of hurt, brokeness, bitterness, resentment, self pitty, longing or anger but to look up at that great big sky and have peace, joy, love, hope, mercy, grace, forgiveness but the greatest of these….. still LOVE!
All this time I’ve been looking at the perfectly held together heaven wondering why God couldn’t hold my tiny little life together………then I hear Him say, “My silly sweet girl, sometimes you have to pass through the darkness of debris to see the beauty in the fallen star”
With peace, joy and love……TD
runningfromnineveh.com 
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